10 simple rules to dating the sports guy
If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating.My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge.Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?Rule Eight : The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. (IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY.Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you? _____________ SHORT-ANSWER SECTION: Answer by filling in the blank.I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ REFERENCES SECTION: Church you attend ___________________________________________________ How often you attend ________________________________________________ When would be the best time to interview your: father? Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.However, to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during your date with my daughter, I will use my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely to your waist.
What should we expect from our teenagers when they start dating? When two people connect in such a way, it’s difficult to not get carried away with what’s going on. She’s naturally beautiful and reaches a stunning level when she wants to. She wants people to like the “weird” things about her. Accept each other as is, and in the process, you’ll learn good things from each other. When proper respect has been observed the entire time, that moment will be a lot easier and far less messy. Trust them until it’s proven they can’t be trusted.Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car--there is no need for you to come inside. A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: ______________________________________________________________ B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: ______________________________________________________________ C: A woman's place is in the: ______________________________________________________________ D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: ______________________________________________________________ E. ___________________________ ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is: ______________________________________________________________ F. __________________ I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.The camouflaged face watching you from the window is mine. _________________________________________________________ Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. I SUGGEST RUNNING.) ESSAY SECTION: In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough for my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does "DON' T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.